oh how fast time flies!
it has already been 2 years since i have last taken the time to post. a once daily xanga blogger has fully made her way over to more convenient social media websites of incomplete sentences and captioned pictures. so now that i’m trying to write more than my usual 150 characters, it’s taking a little longer for my words to form in coherent progression.
if i could try to sum up the last two years, i wouldn’t have too much of anything exciting to report. we said farewell to living downtown to a place with more walls and a garage. we still have our two little mischievous chihuahuas that like to pretend the other doesn’t exist. i’m still teaching high school chemistry and love working with my students–and nope, i don’t make meth on the side. paul got through residency and his chief year and God has provided a wonderful job opportunity for him that he loves. my two year life summary seems short and sweet but it was interspersed with many times of tears and heartaches too…all reminders of God’s goodness and faithfulness to us despite our sinful hearts as we experienced how much sweeter God’s grace is in this world. oh and by the way, did i mention that i’m ten weeks into pregnancy??
heh, i wish i could say that i was super excited from the get-go about the idea of being a mom or having a baby, but paul says that my maternal genes might be missing a few transcription factors. and the thing is, i like other people’s kids—they’re pretty darn cute and adorable but i was pretty content with my two little dogs at home that just needed 2 walks a day and didn’t terribly mind if we left the house to go grab dinner or go on a date. the idea of my selfish little world of few responsibilities after 4pm flipping upside down always terrified me more than giving me warm gooey feelings of anticipation. but i also knew from the many well-intentioned people that liked to remind me and the wrinkles that were starting to get more noticeable near my eyes that i wasn’t getting any younger and that i didn’t really have any more excuses for putting off being a normal responsible adult. so when it finally did happen, i felt more happy and relieved about being able to check off a big item from my “to do” list as i began my thirties than really excited about having a baby.
and the weeks that followed were more mixed with unbelief or not wanting to get too attached to the idea of being pregnant since i didn’t know if something might go wrong. i wasn’t too sad about giving up beer or feta cheese (okay, maybe a little sad) but i also wouldn’t acknowledge that i had life in me and instead used the third person pronoun of “it” whenever i did have to talk about what was there. then week 6 came along and true to force as the baby books predicted, a wave of horrible nausea hit. many of you know this but i relish eating–i enjoy thinking about what to eat, of course, the act of eating itself, the bit of guilt that comes from eating a little too much, and perhaps even the gym trips i sustain to keep up my eating habits. but everyday as i started to drive home from work, my stomach would churn in waves of sickness and take away the simple pleasure of food that i once loved. this was when feelings of bitterness started to sweep in—baby….why you so mean? why you making me miserable?–all silly ungrammatical questions to ask a pea sized fetus but they were seemingly justified questions of resentment at the time. i’d feel horrible from after work until i went to bed and i seriously started to question if i was carrying twins because it felt that bad.
and then two fridays ago, we went in and had our first sonogram. i saw the little head and the short little arms and legs and heard the quick rapid heartbeats as my own heart felt strings tug for the first genuine time regarding being pregnant. tears came to my eyes as i realized that there truly was a grape sized baby growing in me and the baby was ours! it gets cliche from this point on, so i’ll stop with my botched attempt to describe how magical it was, but yes, i’m ten weeks pregnant everyone!!! and i now say this with three genuine exclamation points of anticipation and excitement. i ask for many prayers both for the little one that’s growing and for paul and me as we prepare our hearts to become parents. 🙂 expect more updates as i whine and probably over share my way through the next 7 months.