final countdown: week 32

nah-nah-na-naaaa, nanananana, nah-nah-neh-neh…..

yes, everytime i get to the point of realizing how i am in the final countdown, i actually do have a vision of gob bluth dancing around on stage to this song which i do not know the words to. i’m well in to third trimester and only 8 more weeks to go!

i have to say that my last post was definitely produced on some highs of second trimester. i had a ton of energy, i was growing but not looking whale-like, and i was starting to think that if the rest of my pregnancy was this great, it was going to be awesome!

oh how fast the tables turn. the third trimester is a whole new leaf in the pregnancy book. it’s not as bad as things were in first trimester and dealing with morning sickness, but it’s another kind of exhaustion that comes its way. i am getting HUGE everyone. and it’s not a cute kind of huge…it’s more of a hugeness that evokes a “WHOA” from people when they haven’t seen me in a long time.  i know it’s normal–i’m pregnant—of course i’m supposed to get big, but i really did have to adjust to my new body and learn to accept this large mass of being that i have become. i realized how much weight (no pun intended harhar) i do put in my physical image as i honestly did struggle with insecurity from feeling really large and unattractive in the beginning of my crazy fast stomach growth during the third trimester. i only have 5 more pounds to gain before i hit my max “normal” weight gain for pregnant women and i’m trying to be good, but it’s so hard when you love eating. thankfully though, i have been able to exercise 4 times/week all through my pregnancy thanks to staying motivated through gympact. if i hadn’t, i’m pretty sure i would have hit my max weight gain several months ago. now though, i’ve had to forgo all of the gym classes that i’ve loved and i’ve been sticking to swimming laps exclusively as this is the only thing i feel comfortable doing in my large state. but right now though, i’m coming around to giving my belly some love–stretch marks and all.

i am uncomfortable all the time. sciatic nerve pain started early on during second trimester, but it’s been getting progressively worse to the point where my butt and thighs tingle from pain all the time. i feel like steve urkel sometimes wanting to cry out that i’ve fallen and can’t get up. the latter part is me a lot of times—i need some sort of momentum to hurdle myself up from any sedentary position: i use supports to get myself up from chairs, couches, and toilets, and i literally have to ROLL to get up out of bed every morning at the amusement of this sight from paul. even turning from side to side in bed hurts. again…i knew i’d get large and i knew that being large was going to be uncomfortable, but i had no idea how much so. no swelling in the feet yet though (crossing fingers on this one). doing anything really is tiring. i have had so many days where i seem to be functional at school and then once i get in the car and sit down finally relaxed for the first time, i fall asleep while driving home and i have to hit myself to stay awake. once i’m home from work, doing anything is a momentous task. if i cook dinner, it’s a really big deal. if i clean out a closet, it takes hours of recovery afterwards. walking up and down the stairs requires me to rest for a minute to catch my breath. i think i’m getting a glimpse of aging.

and the emotional swings and anxiety have been challenging—obviously not just for me, but for the poor husband as well. feeling unattractive and insecure, worries about really being ready for the baby coming her way, and also the added stress of looking for a home to buy before the baby got here and thinking about moving made me a crazy preggo woman. our landlord let us know that she was planning on selling our place and it sent us on a crazy scramble to figure out what we were going to do and looking for a place to possibly purchase in the area. at one point, we were seriously considering moving TWICE within a span of 6 months to get the home we were wanting. in the end we wound up deciding to purchase the condo we’re living in now—and although it was first paul’s idea and i had us go through a wild house hunt for a month to buy something with more space, i am so thankful now for the decision and for not having to move. i gave paul such a horrible time though while i was stressed out wrongly justifying it all excusing it away with pregnancy hormones that he deserves many props.

i really feel like the the past month or so has been a struggle of God revealing so many of our false assurances in things of this world in so many ways. i became so easily angered and upset when things weren’t going my way and it made me see how much of me i still relied on and how little of God. through my body changing, i had to accept my physical weakness of not being able to do what i have always been able to do and to accept that i couldn’t be as independent as i liked being. when i saw myself turning whale-like, i had to accept that my appearance doesn’t define who i am. when i found out that our plans for getting ready for the baby could drastically change from a three sentence email from our landlord, i realized that even things that we thought we had control over were never really under our own control. God has been so good though in teaching and disciplining and through this, i’ve seen so much of my sinful heart being more exposed and i turn to Him, humbled and thankful. thankful for all the blessings that he has given us although we are so undeserving, thankful for his not giving me everything that i tell myself i need to be happy, and thankful for his showing me that what we need the most in this life is Christ and him alone.

i was planning on updating so much more often through pregnancy, but hey, one post a trimester isn’t so bad right? 🙂

as we get closer to the date, i realize how much more prayer is needed!!  i hope the next 8 weeks don’t go by too quickly as we still have much physical preparing, mental preparing, and especially heart preparing to do!!


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