and she’s finally here!

just up to two weeks ago, i was anxiously waiting for our little one to arrive—both in excitement at the idea of meeting her and in selfish hope that the discomforts of the end of third trimester would come to an end. but she has finally arrived! august 7, 2014, little evelyn eunji han has made her arrival to the real world from the safety and comforts of being squished up in mama’s womb.

if you’re squeamish, stop reading here as i’m going to talk about labor ladies and gentlemen. this post is really for me so that i remember everything later on—so it’s detailed (what a surprise).

so i don’t know why, but i thought that contractions wouldn’t be as painful as they were made out to be. it doesn’t even sound all that bad right? your uterus getting squished up and then released doesn’t seem to be a source for a huge amount of pain. and i think it also had to do with a labor scare that we had a few weeks back where i was experiencing some strong contractions—they were bad but having gone through them once, i thought that i could bear through it again. and leading up to the actual labor, i had been getting contractions that were uncomfortable so i just imagined the real thing to be a few factors stronger. but oh dear—when the contractions really started up, they knocked my breath away. literally–it took every ounce of energy to try to breathe in and out in steady counts of three as we had been taught by our birthing instructor who annoyed me ever so much during four three hour sessions of class as my body just froze up in terror at the pain and i didn’t want to do anything but cry out, say probably one too many curse words, and squeeze paul’s hands or shoulders numb. knowing too that once one passed, another was coming my way in a few minutes was also scary as heck. anyways—it was about 11 hours of going through this at home that was the worst part of labor. we had tried to check in to the hospital in the middle of the night but because i wasn’t dilated enough, i got sent home to go through all the fun of contractions in the “comfort” of home.

but in the morning when light broke through and we got an “okay” from our ob to get checked in at the hospital, things turned around for the better. i wanted to marry the dear anesthesiologist who administered the epidural—i had never been more grateful to a medical care provider before for any care that i had received until i met the woman who gave me the drugs that made the world a happier place to be in once again. it was seriously so wonderful. i got to sleep for THREE hours while i waited for my cervix to be dilated enough to push and i didn’t feel ANYTHING!! still, ten days later, i have such a positive association with this e word that i smile.

the nurse woke me up when i was ready to push and because i didn’t feel much down there because of the epidural, i just felt like i was trying really hard to use the bathroom when constipated. paul was such an amazing coach during the pushing part of labor that he pretty much took over the room as the labor nurse didn’t have to say all that much. the entire time i was ready to push, paul was yelling “you can do it! you can do it! a little more! a little more!” all through the time of pushing. the funniest part for me was when paul resorted to screaming “bring it! bring it!” as i was getting closer to closing the deal and then i just burst out laughing from holding my breath and pushing and spit all over paul and the nurse.

after three long hours of pushing though, our little daughter entered the world and i was left to tears at how amazing it was that this newborn infant had come out of me all ready to live. i don’t know exactly what i expected but to see her features fully formed–not just the hazy impressions from the ultrasound–and her fingers and toes all there where they were supposed to be and to think that she had been living and growing inside of me for the past 9 months of life and now that i could actually hold her was such a new emotion for me of happiness and amazement that all i could do was cry. i thank God for such a safe delivery of our Evelyn and for getting me through a long labor without any complications.

and this is now the beginning of my journey into motherhood. i’ll be updating a lot more about how things are going. all i can say is that these past ten days have been one of the most difficult stretch of days ever–being a mama is hard for so many reasons! i have so many thoughts and emotions swimming about in my head that i need to just sit and make some sense of them all by writing.

here though are some pictures of our little daughter who has brought so much joy to us this past week through the difficulties. we love you evelyn!!

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