Four weeks of shelter in place now.
It has been a crazy month. Of routines changing week to week just as I feel like I’m starting to get used to things. Of worrying about covid19 and whether or not Paul’s hospital would get a surge. Of being a stay at home mom with no husband to help out at home but also having to somehow figure out how to full time work and hold live classes for students online. Of having childcare help change almost weekly and getting less and less of it as covid gets worse. Of prepping for school until midnight most nights once the kids are asleep and still feeling like I’m super behind and just doing a subpar job. Of shortened patience when I am in need of deeeep wells of patience to serve my family better. Of emotional rollercoasters of happiness from sweet moments of being with my kids and despair as I look at what is happening in the world around us while my 1yo is having a hardcore temper tantrum. Of finding it hard to pray to God as my immediate needs and crying outs seem so trivial compared to all the true hardship people are facing right now.
That being said though this was the first week where I felt settled into our schedule and things didn’t seem like a complete mess. I still changed a diaper during our staff meeting and E came in during my zoom chem class about 8 times in a one hour period, but I felt like our family was getting into a rhythm that was kind of working. P is going to the nanny in the mornings as my mother in law isn’t coming anymore and we are doing okay. I help E do school on zoom and hold my own classes while E is learning how to be independent for long stretches with puzzles, legos, and audiobooks to listen to until lunch. We go pick up Philip and then have the rest of the day together until dad gets home and have dinner. In between I get dinner ready and have also been consistently exercising while p naps. Dad puts the kids to sleep and I start on school prep to get ready for the next day. I am exhausted by 8pm but things have been doable. Which is good as it looks like we are in this for the long stretch until summer.
I find myself clinging to Christ more tightly as I feel so inadequate navigating all of the daily life business on my own. Trying to pray more knowing that these small concerns of just making it through the day are still laced with the eternal concerns of my soul and it’s longing for God—mundane or not. Forging onward through the sacrificial laws of Leviticus and even in wondering what applicable truth I am going to get out of my bible reading about how to sacrifice an ox, God humbles me to remind me that the Bible isn’t about me but him—my obedience to come to the word daily and also seek more about his perfect holiness.
So this is where I am. Still figuring things out but thankful.
::Edit:: wanted to share some highlights from the past weeks too as I sound too dreary up above.
*i have been cooking a lot and also in turn eating a lot as it has been my joy of the day. But E has been baking a lot with me these days and we have made all sorts of treats together. It used to be so stressful to cook/bake with her but it has been awesome to see how much more helpful she can be in the kitchen
*one night I was having a particularly hard day right at about dinner time and I was getting very frustrated by the smallest things. Paul came home and saw my state and decided to make dinner time a night out at a “fancy restaurant.” He got a memo pad and took our orders and poured E juice and me wine. Turned off the lights and lit candles and served the dinner that I made as our waiter and just made E and me giggle at how silly it was. E claimed it was the best dinner ever.
*i have been biking almost everyday on the peloton for the past month and doing some sort of physical activity once p naps during the day. It has been giving me strength and an energy boost that I so need at about 3pm and I also really have needed to exercise bc I’ve been gaining weight from all the eating I’ve been happily partaking in. have been proud of myself for keeping it up and for doing something to care for myself.
*i deleted Instagram from my phone two weeks ago and it has been kind of great for me. I was checking it waaay too often during the last month and posting too much and I felt like it was not doing me any good and actually made me more anxious about covid and just mindlessly wasting my time on it. The first week I felt withdrawals as I kept picking up my phone to check on stories and really missed it. This week I feel so free from social media!! I have been checking still on my web browser through my phone but maybe just once every few days. I’ll probably download it back again later but I feel like I’ve gone through a social media cleanse and I honestly am so glad to have done it.
*finished two books the past month: 1)A tree grows in Brooklyn: so recommend this one! It has been on my to read list for a long time. A story of a girl growing up in deep poverty during the early 1900s. 2) the perfect couple: this one was more of a quick beach read that had a fun whodunnit plot . 3) halfway through reading “a gentleman in Moscow” but not loving it.
PAULYESTHER 